j1m0ne's blog

NHK’s annual new year’s eve 4 ½ hour countdown extravaganza is just a few days away and I trust Mizuki Nana’s appearance this year will pull in the otaku crowd, most of whom probably never even thought of watching it before. I have been watching it every 31st December for the last 10 years, even though it’s mostly terribly cheesy entertainment with very little musical merit on display – I keep coming back, and I can’t explain why.

I’m sure there’s a lot of first-timers with regards to Kohaku so I’ll do a long-winded, down-and-dirty guide to get you up to speed with the whole event. Perhaps you might find it useful when trying to explain to your mom why you’re watching 5 hours of middle-aged ojisan and obasan wailing as if they’re constipating.

Basics
Kohaku Uta Gassen (紅白歌合戦) literally means Red and White Song Battle. In theory, the show invites that year’s most popular singers and they do battle by…you guessed it, singing. Performers are divided into two teams – Red for the girls, White for the boys. For the groups/bands, they usually take whatever gender the lead singer is, which is why Ikimonogakari get lumped in with the Red team even though there’s more guys than girls in the group.

Hosts

SMAP’s Nakai Masahiro and actress Nakama Yukie (most famous for playing Yankumi in live-action Gokusen) will be hosting for the third year in a row. I really like this pairing so no complaints, their banter is amusing and Nakama is hawt, in an ice queen kinda way. Abe Wataru, a four-time Kohaku host, will be mediating this year.

Voting
There’s always this arbitrary voting game to determine which team wins every year – currently it’s based on a combination of audience and home-viewer votes. The White team has triumphed for the last 4 years and I’m backing them again this year – the power of Johnny’s fangirls should see the boys easily winning.

Where to watch?
If you have cable TV with the NHK World channel then you can watch Kohaku live. I’m informed that TV Japan in America will be screening it too, but please check with your own cable providers for confirmation. Failing that, Kohaku usually gets upped to BT within a day, check the usual places for downloads.

The show starts on 31 December around 7:15pm (+8GMT) and goes on until 11:45PM. I’m in the +7GMT timezone which means I would have had to get home from work before 6pm to watch the show (which is impossible) so I… TOOK LEAVE JUST TO WATCH NANA ON KOHAKU LOL. Not gonna take any risks and miss such a historic moment for both Nana and seiyuu in general.

Songs
Songs always get shortened unless you’re a major-league superstar (like SMAP or Mr.Children), so expect Shin’ai to get chopped down to a verse, bridge and chorus. It won’t be as bad as on Music Japan though. Also NHK picks all the songs to be performed – the artists don’t really get a say in proceedings, which is why you sometimes get people performing the same bloody song 3 years in a row (hello Hitoto Yo, Natsukawa Rimi!!). The only exception was 70s super idol Yamaguchi Momoe who sang Hito Natsu no Keiken in 1974 despite its risque (for NHK) opening lyric of ‘I’m going to give away the most precious thing a girl has…’.

Mistakes lol
Some things don’t always go right… being a live show, you’re going to get your fair share of LOLWTF moments and mistakes – some of these include a series of mishaps for WaT in 2005 – broken guitar strings and falling mic stands lol, and who can forget the DJ Ozma naked bodysuits in 2006 which drew a record number of complaints. Check around the 2:20 mark for the beginning of background dancers’ striptease.

Personal complaints – lack of stars
Well you’re never going to get a line-up that pleases everybody. No Amuro Namie comeback this year, I wonder if NHK even made an effort to get her or if she declined. Kuraki Mai has her own countdown live so there was no question of her being on, KinKi Kids are likely swapped out for the privilege of having Arashi *mope* and Superfly will probably have to sell her soul before she gets invited – biggest female artist this year, 480,000 albums sold but not on Kohaku harhar. Maybe she turned them down… I’m sure the usual people said no though – B’z, Southern All Stars, Mr.Children (already on last year), Utada Hikaru never say yes. And what happened to Hirai Ken this year???

Stuff to note

- It’s a great opportunity to see a lot of tarento, sports stars, singers and actors in full kimono garb.
- Each performer on Kohaku gets an introduction from a ’supporter’ before they go on stage to sing. I’ve been LOL’ing at interwebs suggestion that Hirano Aya will be the surprise guest who turns up and says a few words in support of Nana XD Methinks it will be Ito Terry and Sekine Mari though.
- Please don’t turn on the TV just to see Nana sing and then turn it off! There’s a couple of game segments throughout the programme where random members of the White and Red teams face off and she might be in one of them. I don’t know if her role as one of the Support Team will get her more airtime on the actual Kohaku though.
- Otagei-ing in your living room? Don’t forget the white lights for Shin’ai!!

And remember, performing on Kohaku is a big deal even with declining ratings – some artists have rocketed to fame because of the one performance, like Akikawa Masafumi’s Sen no Kaze ni Notte in 2006 and Akimoto Junko’s Ai no Mama de… in 2008. Both went on to be mega-sellers in the months after Kohaku.

Performance order is already out so I’ll cover the artists from opening act to show closers. Personal recommendations in red.

First Half
1. Hamasaki Ayumi (浜崎 あゆみ)
Ex-superstar Hamasaki is on every year, this time she’s opening the show with Rule. God knows what that sounds like, haven’t listened to her in 5 years. Ayu also opened Kohaku last year despite doubts she would make the show after injuring her right hand. I like her as a person, just not her music.

2. EXILE
Oh gosh this joke of a boyband. 14 members but only 2 (+2 occasionally) sing, with the rest prancing about in the background like monkeys. I used to be a fan when they were still a 5 piece and SHUN was part of the band, but since he left I haven’t bought any of their CDs. They used to make pretty decent r’n'b/blues music, probably still do but I’m not sticking around to find out. Anyhow EXILE are the second biggest group in Japan after Arashi, surprised that they’ve decided to be top batter for the White Team, I think they were actually on the shortlist for final performers.

3. AKB48
I guess they need no introduction. Akiba-idol group with predictably, 48 members. It’s interesting to see NHK are bringing back large-scale idol groups to Kohaku this year – in 2008 they cut out both AKB48 and Morning Musume, tiring of the tuneless singing and hopeless dancing H!P tends to be associated with. I hope none of the girls trip and fall over…

4. flumpool
Generic rock band, sell quite well. Not my cup of tea, but I guess I’ll forever remember them for those ass shots on the cover of Unreal. Hoshi ni Negai o is their most popular song, probably picked to appease the (non-existent) rock crowd.

5. NYC Boys
For the shota lovers, Johnny’s presents to you NYC Boys!! Featuring members of Hey! Say! JUMP and other Jrs… and ugh I’m sure Kitagawa made NHK take NYC as a condition for having Arashi. NYC Boys are crap, go make tea or eat dinner when they’re on.

6. Ikimonogakari (いきものがかり)

Pop-rock trio fronted by the lovely Yoshioka Kiyoe, who possesses one of the strongest, sassiest voices in Jpop. Anime fans should find them familiar with a few of their songs used in anime like Bleach, Ookiku Furikabutte and Naruto Shippuuden. Their latest album Hajimari no Uta is scheduled to hit No.1 with well over 100,000 copies sold in 4 days so far. YELL is the song they’re singing this time, it’s a big moody ballad that should go down well with the crowd.

7. Godai Natsuko (伍代 夏子)
Enka singer, don’t know much about her except she’s on Kohaku every year I’ve watched it.

8. Kitayama Takeshi (北山 たけし)
35-year old enka singer. He’s not bad, Kenzan is a decent song. Good looker too.

9. GIRL NEXT DOOR
Like an off-key EVERY LITTLE THING meets DAY AFTER TOMORROW. Hate them.

10. Jero (ジェロ)
aka black enka singer who weats hip-hop clothes. Last year his mom was in the crowd and there was a crying fest, this year he gets to repeat it as he’s singing Umiyuki again.

11. Mizuki Nana (水樹 奈々)
2-3 solid years of sucking up to NHK finally pays off with an inaugural performance at Kohaku for Nana. Shin’ai is the perfect choice for her with its wintry, big ballad feel which could get the enka crowd hooked in too.

12. FUNKY MONKEY BABYS

First Kohaku for the three piece hip-hop group, who are like Ketsumeishi-lite. HERO is a great choice for their debut on the show, it’s a nice arms-aloft, lights-waving anthem to celebrate the sacrifices a father makes for his family’s sake.

13. Nakamura Mitsuko (中村 美律子)
Enka singer, Osaka-stylee. Uhhh I like her smile more than her songs really.

14. Porno Graffitti (ポルノグラフィティ)
Hey here’s one that anime fans will know. As far as I’m concerned their music has been shit since Tama (bassist Shiratama Masami) left in 2004, but they keep selling records anyway. Anima Rossa is the current opening theme for Bleach and I hate it.

15. Tendo Yoshimi (天童 よしみ)
One of my favourite enka singers, Tendo is hard to miss – her plus-size figure, plus she sings bright, happy songs. Which is a change from most enka songs which are more suitable for funerals.

16. Mikawa Kenichi (美川 憲一)

…OKAMA ALERT. Mikawa is… an acquired taste, he should swap places with Wada Akiko – they’re definitely batting for the wrong teams here. He and Kobayashi Sachiko are always fighting for the ‘Weirdest, Stupidest Costume’ crown on Kohaku. One of them is going to fall flat on their face someday for wearing shitty clothes that render them unable to move a step.

17. Sakamoto Fuyumi (坂本 冬美)
Enka singer, likes to sing depressing songs. Nice voice, and Mata Kimi ni Koi shiteru is one of her more light-hearted songs, so it shouldn’t be too bad.

18. Hosokawa Takashi (細川 たかし)
Probably my fave enka singer, or at least the singer of my favourite enka song (Kita Sakaba). He’s doing Boukyou jonkara this time.

19. Otsuka Ai (大塚 愛)
The cutesy Jpop singer who writes excellent songs but can’t sing live to save her life. She’s been on Kohaku every year since she became famous… I hate Is (a mid-tempo ballad with no tune), I wish she’d do aisu x time with Su from RIP SLYME.

20. Remioromen (レミオロメン)
WOOHOO Remioromen’s first Kohaku. Well actually they’re quite crap now that they’ve gone mainstream and Konayuki was the last of their truly great songs. It was used as an insert in the weepfest dorama 1-litre no Namida and the live version will most likely feature vocalist Fujimaki Ryota screaming completely out of tune.

21. Kawanaka Miyuki (川中 美幸)

Enka singer, the only song I know from her is Futari-sake which she sang on last year’s Kohaku. She’s singing that this year too!! I really like the song, very lovely.

22. Mori Shinichi (森 進一)
Mega popular enka singer, 42nd Kohaku in a row. I’d rather his son’s group (Moriuchi Takahiro’s ONE OK ROCK) appear on the show instead of him really. He’s singing Hana to Chou, the song he sang on his first Kohaku.

Second half
This is where the heavy-hitters start coming in.

23. Yusuke (遊助)
aka Kamiji Yusuke, mega popular tarento. He was on Kohaku last year as part of baka trio Shuchishin, who actually drew the biggest ratings of the night. Himawari is a decent song that apes the rap-pop that is popularised by groups like GReeeeN.

24. aiko

Pixie-like singer-songwriter – very popular, especially amongst young women. Singing Anoko no Yume this year, theme song for NHK morning drama Werukame.

25. Tokunaga Hideaki (徳永 英明)
Boring old-man ballad singer. He’s singing Kowarekake no Radio, a song on which he’s duetted live with Hamasaki Ayumi and Koda Kumi before. Admittedly Tokunaga has a refreshing iyashikei voice, shame it puts me to sleep most of the time.

26. Hirahara Ayaka (平原 綾香)
I used to like Ayaka a lot, her rich alto vocal is very different from the other Jpop singers out there. Lately she’s been singing a load more traditional classic stuff which just doesn’t appeal, but I guess she’s still trying to reclaim the glory days of her Jupiter single (based on Holst’s The Planets).

27. TOKIO
A proper Johnny’s ‘band’ in that they play their instruments even if they rarely write their own material. The members are all famous in their own right but I guess Nagase Tomoya might be forever known as Hamasaki Ayumi’s ex, although he’s also a decent seiyuu – he voiced the lead Nanashi in BONES’ 2007 movie Mukoh Hadan (Sword of the Stranger). TOKIO make pretty good pop-rock though, Taiyou to Sabaku no Bara is very fun to listen to.

28. Akimoto Junko (秋元 順子)
Kayokyoku singer (NOT ENKA), hit it big after performing Ai no Mama de… on Kohaku last year, which went on to reach No.1 and sell upwards of 500,000 copies. Will be singing the same song this year, and the next, and the next, and the next….

29. Perfume

Probably who I’m most looking forward to. Autotune lip-sync whatever, the girls always put on a good show and they’re doing One Room Disco which was my ringtone for half of 2009. NOCCHIIIIIIIIIIIIiiiIIIIiiiIIIII xD Spastic dancing FTW!

30. TVXQ aka Tohoshinki (東方神起)
My least favourite Korean boyband. Can I have Super Junior or Big Bang instead?

31. Mizumori Kaori (水森 かおり)
One of the younger enka singers (mid-30s) out there. Sings happier-type enka, pleasant on the eyes. Aki no Miyajima is a very nice song!

32. Itsuki Hiroshi (五木 ひろし)

Enka singer who’s found a new lease of life in recent years, his 2006 single Takasebune reached top 10 which is quite unusual for someone his age (60s).

33. Kimura Kaela (木村 カエラ)
Debuting this year, she’s well known as a style/fashion icon and also for her eclectic songs. But NHK chose Butterfly ugghh. It’s one of her cheesy ballads that was written by SUEMITSU & THE SUEMITH. She’s not a great live singer to be honest. FYI, Kaela is the source of inspiration for Sayonara Zetsubo-sensei’s Kimura Kaere.

34. Alice (アリス)
A 70-80s folk group that keeps breaking up and reforming to play on Kohaku lol. They’ve split and reformed about 4 times now. Champion, which they’re performing this year, is their biggest hit.

35. Nakashima Mika (中島 美嘉)
The woman who always looks like she has a big chip on her shoulder is singing another big crappy ballad (Nagareboshi) this year. I wish she’d do Candy Girl but oh well, Kohaku. Anime fans may remember her as the one who played rocker Nana in the live-action NANA movies.

36. Yuzu (ゆず)
Granddad folk pop duo. OK they’re not old and as nice as Aitai is, their songs all sound the same… I prefer Kobukuro.

37. Angela Aki (アンジェラ・アキ)

Meganekko half Japanese, half Italian-American piano playing soul singer. She performed the touching Tegami on last year’s Kohaku backed by a children’s choir (the song was originally written for a NHK choral competition). And I think she’s going to be singing this every year until she has another big hit…

38. Fuse Akira (布施 明)
Enka singer. He sang some songs for the Kamen Rider Hibiki series a few years ago, most notably Shounen yo!.

39. Kobayashi Sachiko (小林 幸子)
Probably the most well-known female enka singer right now. Famous for the elaborate costumes she wears on Kohaku (even though they tend to suffocate her).

40. Fukuyama Masaharu (福山 雅治)

The next biggest draw on the list after Arashi, this is Fukuyama’s first Kohaku in 16 years which is probably only coming because he’s the lead in NHK’s 2010 taiga drama Ryomaden – usually he holds his own countdown show for his fans. He’s a multi-talented dude with acting, photography and of course, music amongst his many interests. Also regularly voted most eligible bachelor, best jeans wearer, sexiest voice etc etc rubbish in Japanese magazines. Hatsukoi is his best ballad since 2000’s mega-smash Sakurazaka and has been doing well on the charts in recent weeks.

41. Koda Kumi (倖田 來未)
The origin of ero-kawaii. If you don’t know her (you live under a rock?), just imagine a ganguro Takahashi Chiaki. She sang the Final Fantasy X2 theme songs and also did an excellent cover of Cutie Honey for the live-action movie. This year Kuu’s doing a special Kohaku medley – I haven’t listened to her music for 2 years so I’ve no idea what she’ll put in there, hopefully Butterfly.

42. Arashi (嵐)
This year’s superstars, the numero unos, the ones NHK probably sold off a kidney to get on Kohaku. They’re by far the biggest group in Japan at the moment, occupying 4 of the top 5 best-selling singles of 2009 slots. I won’t comment about the quality of the music, but they’re doing a special medley which has A・RA・SHI and Believe (not sure if there’s other songs included)…. ZOMG A・RA・SHI!!!! It was their debut single from 1999 and I’m not ashamed at all to say I loovveddd that song when I first got into Jpop. And LOL at Arashi being 42nd on (around 11pm), how the hell they gonna make it to Tokyo Dome for the Johnny’s Countdown show ROFL. Teleport?

43. Kobukuro (コブクロ)
This folk-pop duo are big business in Japan, and will perform big ballad STAY this year. I love them but not this song. The most memorable Kohaku performance from them was the collab with Ayaka in 2007, singing WINDING ROAD. Some may recognise them for their Cross Game opening theme SUMMER RAIN.

44. Wada Akiko (和田 アキ子)
Well it’s Kohaku, and Kohaku ain’t Kohaku without Akiko. I remember the first time I watched her on NHK and thought WOW this guy really can sing like a woman!!! Uhhhhh….. well Wada sure can sing, but I’m no fan of her music. As far as I’m concerned the best performance I saw of her was during 2005 Kohaku when she collaborated with m-flo on HEY!, but then I’m an m-flo fan…

45. Hikawa Kiyoshi (氷川 きよし)

Camper than Elton John at the Mardi Gras he may be, but Hikawa puts some fun into a boring old genre and Tokimeki no Rumba is an example of that. Spanish music + enka is hahahalol no matter how you look at it.

46. Ishikawa Sayuri (石川 さゆり)
Enka singer, Nana fans may recognise her as the singer of Amagi-goe. Apparently this will be her sixth time singing Tsugarukaikyo Fuyugeshiki at Kohaku.

47. Ayaka (絢香)
Big-voiced ballad singer. Minna Sora no Shita will be her last live performance before going on hiatus as her Graves’ disease symptoms have been worsening. Expect a few tears and actor-husband Mizushima Hiro to be in the crowd somewhere.

48. SMAP
Their star has waned somewhat in recent years, which is just as well since they can neither sing nor dance. They’re singing a medley of some song called Sotto Kyutto and the dreaded Sekai ni Hitotsu dake no Hana. On the plus point, leader Nakai is an excellent host, and his ‘did they-didn’t they’ romance with Koda Kumi is always an interesting talking point.

49. DREAMS COME TRUE

I love DCT, or more specifically I love Yoshida Miwa’s booming voice. They’re performing Sono Saki e this year, which was a single collaboration with their proteges Fuzzy Control, a 3-piece rock group. FC aren’t credited so I guess they’re getting cut out for Kohaku lol. This is a really good song, one of the most different I’ve heard from them in a while.

50. Kitajima Saburo (北島 三郎)
The father of all enka singers, this will be his 46th Kohaku appearance. I’m not a fan, but he’s a lovely respectable oji-san.

Special Performances

After last year’s successful performance, 10-year old Ohashi Nozomi (Ponyo girl) will be co-hosting a special ‘Kids Kohaku Uta Gassen’ corner with 8-year old tarento Kato Seishiro. A bunch of kids will be singing 4 songs with SMAP’s Katori Shingo (dressed as his KochiKame police character) judging. Lolicons and shotacons take note?

Ann Sally will be performing the Hisaishi Joe-written theme song Uta no Chikara, which will intro the Kohaku performers.

Susan Boyle is singing I Dreamed A Dream. If you don’t know her you haven’t been on the planet in 2009! 2008’s special guest was Enya by satellite.

Michael Jackson tribute – SMAP will be performing songs from the King of Pop’s back catalogue such as Beat It and Thriller. I was thinking this was an ewwww choice until I remember that I watched that episode of SMAPxSMAP in 2006 when Jacko surprised the group by appearing as a guest. I just hope they won’t kill the songs too much with their hideous singing…

Just 4 more days to go, I’m feeling excited already!! I really shouldn’t, because I usually end up bored and annoyed by 10pm on New Years’ Eve. This year should be much better, there’s Nana after all…. fingers crossed.

Hopefully the Nana wota crowd in Japan will tune into the show in their numbers to get her ratings up so that NHK will take notice and the chance of her being re-invited to perform in future Kohaku will be higher! People do take notice of the ratings for each individual artist every year, like how Shuchishin beat SMAP in 2008.